Stinky Cheese Head

Let me start out by saying I'm not a writer and I don't promise any of this will be interesting to anyone but me.  Well, maybe not even me.  I don't know if anyone will ever read it other than me.  But I need to get things out of my head and have a place to vent that doesn't drive everyone around me batty.  So here we are.  It's just going to be a lot of stuff about me.  Woohoo.  I've got you excited now, haven't I?  And to top it off,  I don't even promise to try to be coherent all the time or to proofread and try to make sense of things, so if you read this, which you won't... you have been warned.

There is not much to describe me right now.  I am a mom of three kids.  I have chronic illness, some known, some unexplained, and I'm trying to come to terms with the idea of the word disabled.  Right now I'm up in the middle of the night missing what precious sleep I might get from my one year old with a horrendous migraine.  Yet another migraine. Feels like someone jabbed an icepick up my right nostril.  Well, that is, what I imagine this would feel like.  I have about 3 a week.  Some last for a few hours, most for a day or two, some just run right into the next.  Took some nausea meds and Fioricet, but it doesn't even touch it.  The worst part at this particular moment, aside from the pain of course, is a strange symptom I developed late last year where I constantly smell fumes.  Kinda smells like exhaust fumes from a car or engine.  As someone who has always gotten car sick, it's a smell I've always hated.  It makes me almost feel car sick, and brings fully to mind that awful vertigo nauseous feeling where you just stick your head between your knees and hope you make it there soon without puking all over yourself, all the while asking 'are we there yet' over and over just enough to drive your mother insane.  And yes, my mother is in deed insane.

It's my own fault tonight.  I indulged in a forbidden delicacy, a blue cheese olive in my martini.  Stinky cheese is bad for the migraines but I am so sick of denying myself so many things I love for what pitiful health I have.  Too many good things are off limits to me right now = gluten, dark chocolate, red wine, etc.  Life is never fair and I am reminded of that too many times each day.  How I hate for my children to learn the same wicked truth.

Baby cries.  Gotta go.